This Summer's Biggest Superhero Sequel!!!

Well. I had nothing to do with this.

I wish I had, though.

The very, very patient and/or very stoned will be rewarded.

Van Helsing 2 is probably, scientifically speaking, more entertainment than Spiderman 3, Fantastic Four Meets Surfman and United 93* combined! Just as a warning, 1) Van Helsing 2 is an entire feature film, and 2) it will ruin your ability to enjoy all movies, forever.

*Please note: I did not see the first 92 United movies, so I didn't see the sequel. Therefore, this calculation may be slightly skewed.

Movie Science Notebook: Living Fossil on the Campus!

At left is specimen of coelacanth as depicted in the Universal International 1958 lab-coats-'n-cavemen romp Monster on the Campus. Prof. Blake (Arthur Franz) of Dunsfield University is excited to acquire his own dead coelacanth, which arrives packed in a box and bleeding freely into the shallow water which serves as its only packing. The coelacanth is able to survive the long trip from Madagascar because the it has been "treated with gamma rays." We are not told how the back of Troy Donahue's truck smelled after gallons of giant fish-goop sloshed around in all afternoon.

Here is a real example of Latimeria chalumnae, the coelacanth. Once believed by white people to be exctinct for 70 million years, in 1938 a live coelacanth was found off the coast of South Africa. This ancient order of the oldest lineage of jawed fishes has survived since the Middle Devonian period, some 410 million years ago. They are not quite as "untouched" by evolution as Prof. Blake would tell his friends, for they have evolved to give birth to live, adorable babies.

Overall, Monster on the Campus' coelacanth looks very much like his real African relatives. Prof. Blake is fixated on evolution, and the coelie is probably a cousin of eusthenopteron, the much-cuter fish that first crawled out of the sea! Blake tells us about Old Fourlegs' famous bone-reenforced fins, which it "uses to walk along the ocean floor". He does not address that the head is much bigger, with a longer snout, bulging eyes, prominent fangs and bigger lips, as if someone resculpted it to look like a dragon. Also it has spikes coming out of its face. If Prof. Blake's world were in color, we could see that the coelacanth is a deep, pretty blue.

The Dunsfield University coelacanth is a kind of puny specimen, as the average fish weighs nearly 180 pounds, while Prof. Blake is able to hoist his rubbery pal all over the lab without breaking a sweat. He also has no problem holding onto the fish, even though these slimy fellows goop out mucus and oil from their bodies. Perhaps this one was dried out by the gamma-ray preservation. Gamma rays are known to cause cancer in some tissues. In Monster on the Campus, it is revealed that gamma rays will mutate the blood of a coelacanth in a manner that causes complete reversal of evolution in any creature which ingests the blood. Since no one before or since has been able to make sense of this, the resultant problems are not really anybody's fault... However, if Prof. Blake had time to study his fish's anatomy before he lifted it, he would know their scales are covered with sharp spines, and might not have cut his hand, and transformed into a freaked-out caveman!

Unfortunately these startling discoveries about gamma rays, coelacanths, and Prof. Blake's previously unheard-of definition of the word "evolution" did not leave the D.U. campus that fateful semester.

Learn about it without reading a book... just like Prof. Blake!:
-PBS NOVA coelacanth site includes a clickable fish anatomy-lesson and a neat summary of Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer's 1938 discovery!
-DINOFISH.com is the coolest and scariest coelacanth site!

Al Lewis, 1923 - 2006

Al Lewis
1923 - 2006
There are four performers whose portrayals of Dracula are so iconic that they will spring immediately to mind for the average American: Bela Lugosi, Max Schreck, Christopher Lee, and Al Lewis. In the 1960s, the pop culture relationship with monsters changed, and Lewis' Grandpa on "The Munsters" (the character's family name is indeed Dracula - he's Lily's dad, not Herman's) filled in the final facets of the character: regular guy, sarcastic Yiddish joker, and comforting family presence. If any "Munsters" cast member could hold his own next to Fred Gwynne, it's Lewis, eyes a-twinkle, cigar a-chomped.

Al Lewis passed away on February 3, 2006, in New York and is survived by his wife, Karen. Some men, when they pass, as with Ossie Davis last year, give one pause. This is very sad, I think, and he will be missed. But we should all be envious of such a life; there are not many ways to live more fully than Lewis did. Character actor, humanist political activist, restauranteur, sports scout, voracious scholar, circus performer, we've just lost another great show biz raconteur. Lewis' '98 Green Party bid for Governor of New York was one of the few show-biz personality political attempts that was more than a novelty or publicity move. The man demonstrated for the Black Panthers, he fought against imprisonment for non-violent drug crimes, and he was there at the Rosenberg execution - the roster of Lewis' activities goes on and on, and it is inspiring.

A fine remembrance of Lewis as an activist for social justice can be found at the Dissident Voice newsletter site.

Besides his indelible turn on "The Munsters" (the greatest gimmick sitcom of all time), and hilariously abrasive work as Leo Schnauser on "Car 54, Where Are You?", Lewis was a real gem among comedic character actors for more than 40 years. Lewis was a delight every time he popped up on screen, my favorites being appearances in They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (1969), The World of Henry Orient (1964), and most of all, the Kinetoscope-cherished They Might Be Giants (1971).

For more biography of Mr. Lewis, check out the "Munsters" season 2 DVD, containing a sweet biographical tribute featurette. (And don't believe iMDB's 1910 birthdate: he lied to get the "Munsters" job!)

As Grandpa tells Eddie Munster in the Cold War-razzing classic episode "Herman the Spy," (Al Lewis the radical must've loved this one - the Russians are lovable scamps, the American government are jerks, and military intelligence on both sides are idiots), in perfect '60s sick-joke style:

"Bury me deep this time! I don't want any crazy dogs digging me up again!"