Moving apartments to co-habitate with my favorite Scream Queen, I was recently in a position to repeatedly individually handle every single DVD I own. Blanket-statement-speaking, the world has accepted that home video packaging is ugly. They could be a place for an extension of the enclosed artistic expression like album covers. They could be tastefully designed objects, like book dust jackets. But they're usually a blurry photo of Chevy Chase with the contrast turned up, his pores painted out, and the Photoshop "glow" effect cranked up to 150... right? Right?
WRONG! Exploding Kinetoscope totally loves cover art!
This week: my love/hate/let's-not-talk-about-it relationship with "Full House" continues, with the upcoming Complete Third Season. Did I say "my"? I meant "the world's."
Woah, Deej, is this a Janet Jackson video?
The "Full House" covers aren't "ugly," but going far out of their way to be garish and look like an early-'90s shopping mall renovation. The color scheme isn't quite as good as the pink and bright green for First Season, but it's nice the design team is making sure cast photos are accurate for each season (pay attention, "M*A*S*H"!) I like the subtle idea of being able to tell where you are in the show's run by looking at Jodi Sweetin's cast photo on the sleeve.
The extra features list promises a "bonus montage showcasing Joey's impersonations."
O. M. G! I promise you here and now that when Third Season is released on April 4, Kinetoscope will thoroughly examine the montage of Gladstone-yuks. Never mind that Coulier's vocal impressions are uniformly terrible, they usually are supposed to be characters commenting on what's happening in the scene, and will likely make no sense out of context!
Sadly, despite my repeated e-mails to Warner Home Video, they refuse to adopt my more dignified cover proposal: